(Stewart Raffill, 1984)
Before Mac and Me and Tammy and the T-Rex, Stewart Raffill unleashed "space herpies" onto the world with the Star Wars/Mad Max rip-off The Ice Pirates. I saw this movie at age twelve on the silver screen, and apparently thought this crap was perfectly acceptable entertainment. It's not. It's the type of "PG" comedy adventure that would never receive a "PG" rating today, especially when it comes to the pervy "hero" Jason (Robert Ulrich of Vegas fame), and the poorly pitched racial humor. The "pimp-bot" scene is a particularly jaw-dropping gag that might be offensive if it weren't so damn unfunny. The problem with The Ice Pirates--among many--is that none of it is funny, from the castration gags to the kung-fu robots. It makes Spaceballs look like the highest of comedies.
Surprisingly, Ice Pirates appears to have a more substantial budget than your average late 70's/early 80's Star Wars knock-off (I'm thinking Galaxy of Terror or Star Crash), but the mark of any production value only makes this ridiculous movie more infuriating...as does the presence of Angelica Huston (leather-clad crew member Maida). Yes, Angelica Huston is in this movie, and the more Ulrich hams his way through this mess, the more I began to daydream about The Ice Pirates as a legitimate, serious sci-fi movie, not a comedy (or parody, or whatever they thought this was), with Huston's bad-ass character as the lead. As it is, Huston's character has a stellar wardrobe, but no arc. In the final shot she turns to kiss some random dude on the space crew in an exceptionally lame attempt at a romantic coda.
Jen's Award for Best Dialogue
N/A
Next up: Number Nine...teen!
A classic finale to the Terrible Movie Marathon: Quarantine 19 Edition
No comments:
Post a Comment