Terrible Movie Marathon #14

Hell Comes to Frogtown

(Donald G. Jackson/R.J. Kizer, 1988)

From the director of The Roller Blade Seven, Legend of the Roller Blade Seven, and Return of the Rollerblade Seven comes this post-apocolyptic romp featuring Rowdy Roddy Piper, Sandahl Bergman, Rory Calhoun, and some truly inspired frog masks. As the opening narration informs us, just before the image of a nuclear mushroom cloud: "In the latter days of the 20th century, there arose a difference of opinion." 68% of the male population has been wiped out, and the human contingent is looking for a fertile savior to populate the planet once again, before the mutant frog people surpass them. Or something. Fortunately, the militant ladies of Medtech "on provisional government authority" and led by medical professional/exotic dancer Spangle (Bergman) now have Sam Hell (Piper) in their possession, and his junk under high-tech lock and key. Their mission: travel into the mutant reservation known as "Frogtown," liberate and impregnate the child-bearing harem of humans held captive by Commander Toty, a humanoid frog overlord with a three-headed serpent penis. 

So: NO, this does not belong in the "Terrible Movie" marathon. It belongs in the "This-movie-has-everything-you-could-ever-want-in-a-movie" marathon. We kind of loved it, and feel bad including it here. RIP - RRP.

Jen's Award for Best Dialogue

SPANGLE

You signed a contract.

HELL

Yeah, to fuck for freedom. But, I ain't meetin' my maker in Frogtown! 

That's not in my contract.

Up next: Only the worst movie ever made.