The TWELVE TERRIBLE MOVIES of CHRISTMAS are finally here! I would have posted about this sooner, but the films were SO terrible this year that we spent a month debating whether or not this utterly wretched pile of cinematic dreck could even be ranked. We finally decided..."no"...and resolved ourselves to the fact that--after five years of this tradition--this particular group of movies had short-circuited our ability to even think about them, much less sort them out in our own personal rankings. But then we remembered that tradition is important, that the twelve days of Christmas mean something to us...and that "something" is torturing our eyeballs with incompetently conceived genre rip-offs, truly unfunny attempts at comedy, and naseau-inducing Netflix holiday films. We realized that--unlike Lindsey Lohan in the blatant Overboard copycat movie Falling For Christmas--we know who we are! So, by mid-Februuray we picked up this dreadful, diabolical list of films and managed to rank them accordingly. While Jen and I don't always agree, our mutual hatred of Falling For Christmas has bonded us deeply in 2023, and might just carry us through to December! Cheers!
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| Lindsay Lohan, Actor |
Jen's Ranking
12.Falling For Christmas (Janeen Damian, 2022)
10.The Wizard (Todd Holland, 1989)
9. Jack Frost (Michael Cooney, 1997)
8. Glitter (Vondie Curtis-Hall, 2001)
6. Ben and Arthur (Sam Mraovich, 2002)
5. Beyond the 7th Door (Bozidar D. Benedikt, 1987)
3. Ninja Commandments (Joseph Lai/Godfrey Ho [uncredited])
2. Suburban Sasquatch (Dave Wascavage, 2004)
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Paul Kattupalli stars, directs, and discovers snow in Clash in the College
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Jason's Ranking
12.Falling For Christmas
11.Glitter
9. Jack Frost
8. Stay Tuned
7. The Bride and the Beast
5. Ninja Commandments
3. Clash in the College
2. R.O.T.O.R.
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| Canadian Super-Thespian, Lazar Rockwood in Beyond the 7th Door |
I guess that makes one of the most unendurable, incompetent movies ever made our 2022/23 winner...
If you like movies with their fingers on the pulse of political debate within academia, and that are shot mostly in a single motel room, then you'll love Clash in the College. It's free on youtube. We dare you to watch all of it. We did. And we still feel like we deserve some sort of award or compensation for our patience. After all, we had just watched the entirety of Suburban Sasquatch, which ain't exactly economical storytelling.
Until next year, have a less-than-terrible 2023!
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