4/17/20

Terrible Movie Marathon #1

From the creators of the "12 Terrible Movies of X-Mas" comes ...

Terrible Movie Marathon: 
Quarantine 19 Edition

19 Terrible Movies. Two isolated viewers. 3 indifferent cats. 
Play along at home!

#1 - Never Too Young To Die 
(1986, Gil Bettman)



From the director of one episode of The Fall Guy, two episodes of Night Rider and two episodes of BJ and the Bear comes this batshit beautiful ode to James Bond, Mad Max, hermaphrodites, biker bars, desert warfare, and gymnastics - featuring John Stamos and Vanity as lovers who would nearly be the same person by just changing their hair a bit. Also, George Lazenby (the only one-off Bond) as Stamos's father, a super-spy named Stargrove. But, the real reason to watch NTYTD is Velvet Von Ragner, the He-She super-villain who just wants to poison the water supply, played by Gene Simmons (and, yes, there are multiple gross shots in the film centered around his giraffe tongue). The best dialogue is delivered by Velvet to his inexplicably Road Warrior-ish gang of assassins, who he addresses as "my little turdlings."


Jen's Award for Best Dialogue

(Velvet to his minions):

"Betterzy, betterzy, you slugs!"
"Orgasm, you turdy revelers!"





What terrible turdling of a movie will tomorrow bring? Stay tuned!

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