Terrible Movie Marathon #8

A Very Special "Earth Day" Edition of the Terrible Movie Marathon

Battlefield Earth

(Roger Christian, 2000)

From a director whose art direction credits grace such disparate films as the 1968 Carol Reed musical Oliver!, Ridley Scott's Alien, and Monty Python's Life of Brian comes a movie that is far more terrible than all of those. Released in 2000, adapted from the novel by Scientology overlord L. Ron Hubbard, Battlefield Earth features Barry Pepper (earthling from the year 3000 Jonnie Goodboy Tyler), John Travolta (aspiring galaxy conqueror Terl of planet Psychlo), and Forest Whitaker (Terl's right-hand-Psychlo, Ker). I missed Battlefield Earth upon it's initial release, so as a home-bound Earth Day celebration, Jen and I decided to give it a spin (3.99 on Amazon Prime, that is). 20 years on, could it really be as bad as they say? Sure, it tied previous "Terrible" marathon entry Showgirls for all-time highest number of Razzie awards...but that could mean that, like Showgirls, it's a delightfully repeatable, if not reprehensible, misunderstood masterpiece of maverick cinema? Right? As it turns out, Battlefield Earth is fairly reprehensible, but mostly just to those who appreciate the simple pleasures of cinema: story, design, special effects, un-canted camera angles, knowing where the characters are and what's going on, etc. Over-stuffed with some of the worst pseudo-sci-fi babble in cinema history, all you man-animals out there will need a bright green glass of kerbango to get your breath-gas back and your skull bone on straight after this one. 

Of note: this is the second film in the "Terrible" marathon to feature a giant tongue sequence, featuring Travolta's bride, fellow Scientologist, and The Experts co-star Kelly Preston (she-Psychlo Chirk) doing a possible homage to Gene Simmons in Never Too Young to Die. 

Jen's Award for Best Dialogue

(Chirk to Terl)

"I am going to make you as happy as a baby Psychlo on a straight diet of kerbango."

Next up... Another fucking Shelly Long movie? What type of sadist is curating this shit-fest?!