aka Don't Tell Her It's Me
(1990, Malcolm Mowbray)
From the director of the Teri Garr vehicle Out Cold comes the greatest romantic comedy of 1984 to be released in 1990: The Boyfriend School. It's a Rom-Com where a schlubby cartoonist named Gus (the Goot!) transforms himself into a macho New Zealander biker with the help of his romance novel author sister, Lizzie Potts - aka Vivica Lamoreaux (Shelley Long) in order to romance news reporter Emily Pear (Jamie Gertz) who is still hung up on her boss, Trout (Kyle MacLaughlin). The lack of momentum is astounding, as the story begins with Gus post-chemotherapy, working on his "cartoons" for an obscure magazine...which, I guess, explains why he lives in a ramshackle pier-end house? It's not until MINUTE 38 that we get to his transformation into "Lobo" and his subsequent romantic entanglement with Emily "Paaaaiiir" (which is said way too often - we get it - her name is Emily Pear!). As lazy as they come in terms of piecing together Rom-Com cliches, the movie culminates in a "don't go!" airport scene that is tired even by it's own standards...but, somebody gave up on making this movie coherent long before we get to that scene. Shelley Long verges on being genuinely funny, but doesn't quite get there. Gertz hasn't been this good since Solarbabies, and Guttenberg's acting chops have only slightly improved since his nuanced turn in Can't Stop the Music. Also, it appears that Gertz and the Goot have the same stunt double in long shots of the motorcycle, and that person looks nothing like either of them. Maclachlan and Madchen Amick are the winners here, since this is the same year Twin Peaks premieres, making everyone forget about Don't Tell Her It's Me.
Jen's Award for Best Dialogue
(Gus to Lizzie)
"I'm your brother, not your retarded son!"
Yep, it stinks.
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